i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I skipped work to stalk him.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
