I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
