your room smells of hookers.
And success
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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