Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
