I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Randomize
