Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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