THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
