Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
