Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
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