Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Randomize
