How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
