I wish I could punch you in the face.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
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