ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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