Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
