Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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