she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
