Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
