Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"