I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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