We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
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