Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
