Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
