I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
