I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
