Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
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