Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Randomize
