My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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