Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
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