i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
