I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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