The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
