My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
