You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
