brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
You ever have a fart follow you around?
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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