it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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