Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
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