I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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