Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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