Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
