I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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