can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Randomize
