It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize