May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
