officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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