Whatcha textin bout Willis?
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Randomize
