I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
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Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
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First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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