woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Randomize
