What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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