i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Naked Twister starts at high noon
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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