I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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