i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
