I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
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thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
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Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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