When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
