After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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