Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Farmville is her only friend.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
