I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
